The "Vlogging In Public" 2012 Challenge!!!

I have always had a hard time trying to get the courage to vlog infront of people. I wanted to attempt it but every time I did I'd get shot down by the faces of other people. People looked at me as though I am from a different planet. Like I am some kind of alien who just arrived on planet Earth. Being too self-conscience of what they might be thinking of me, I would rather just put away the camera and act normal, then the reverse. To get a better understanding of what I mean here is a link to my YouTube video that brings up this exact subject: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1su9SbPSwBc

But now this has to come to a stop, for I am not just an ordinary, normal, boring person. I am a young, unique individual with an interesting personality and it is time that I embrace that. I shouldn't care what people think of me. My business, is my business. In spite of all that, it is easier said then done.


After I did make that video (with the link above) on, "My Take On Fears Of Vlogging In Public," I was challenged by another YouTube vlogger to make ten YouTube videos in Public IN JUST FIFTEEN DAYS! And if I do all that I win myself a subscriber. At first, I admit I was kind of hesitant - could I really do this? -Was I really up for this challenge?

Then I said, ahhh, you know what? Fuck it, I'm gunna DO IT! I gotta DO IT! It would help me gain some confidence in myself. It wouldn't be a challenge if it was a piece of cake. For me this is a pretty big challenge, with a time limit. So far I have made One V.I.P. video with nine more soon to be coming.
Here is the link to the first one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZnd4R4aOkQ&feature=relmfu

If you have a YouTube channel, please feel free to subscribe. It would be nice to know that more people will be there for me. This also, gives me a reason to make videos, as well as pushing myself with the encouragement of my subscribers to vlog out in the open.

Top 12 Things I Like To Do

HERE ARE THE TOP TWELVE THINGS I LIKE TO DO:


12) Listening  to music; I can't even begin to image how life would be like without music and songs and sounds. When ever I wake up in the mornings to go to school, one of the first thing I will do is turn on the radio and listen to a song on 102.3 NOW! radio.

11) Going into indigo, picking a book about a random fashion designer and reading it. Sometimes after school if I had a bad day, or a stressful day, I go to this book store. I love reading about fashion designers I haven't heard about yet. Most of the time their stories are very inspirational. Their stories also tend to motivate me, and remind me that to be successful there must be those long stressful days where you have put in all your effect, and your beat-up by the end of it all. I want to be a fashion designer in the future, so reading book like this also helps me with that, and plus its just fun!

10.) Going on long nature walks in the forest/woods, and taking pictures of nature. I admire the singing birds the fresh air, and the tall trees. It let's me escape a bit of reality and puts me in a relaxation situation. It helps me reflect upon everything around me. It triggers moments (like the ones showen in the photographs) that I can stop and unwind. I can just think about life itself.

9.) Getting Drunk (but not to the point where I'm totally wasted) I remember the moment I turned eighteen my friend also had a hotel party, I had more that just one drink. I love that effect it gives me. My friends have said I'm not the aggressive drinker, which is good; apparently I'm the happy-but-emotional drinker. I love drinking with friends. And being half European I just its just in my blood to like that stuff.


8.) Bake:my favourite things to bake are coffee cake, garlic bread and cinnamon rolls:)


7.) Try new things: gymnastics, horse riding, wake boarding, motorcycle riding


6.) Watch the latest movies on cheap tuesdays in the expensive theatres. Usually I go with my movie buddy. (C.E.)


5.) Excersize/workout: doesn't matter whether its at the gym, at home , or outside.  


4.) Write Blogs, and make Youtube videos: Its fun and it helps me gain confindence in myself. I can express myelf and my opinions freely, and openly. I can also have some time to reflect and write down/say my thoughts.
Here's a link to my Youtube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee

3.) Travelling: I love going to Poland and visiting my family there. I love going on road trips to Calgary, and the Mountains of Banff and Jasper. I've also been to El Salvador, and viewed the way other cultures live. Travelling opens my eyes to see a wider range of the world. To be able to see different ways of other different people is just fanastic. In addition, I just love going on adventures.

2.) Draw/sketch: This is something I remember doing ever since I was a very young child. My mom even brought me to art classes at the Art Gallery. But after awhile it was got too expesive so I stopped going. But I've taking art 10 &20 in High School. I especially love drawing things like cars, animals & fashion sketches. Drawing is also a passion of mine, creating is just in my nature. My mind works in creatively mysterious ways. With every drawing I create I freely let my artistic vibes flow and just draw from what ever is inside my head to how I feel about it in my heart. Through drawings I can also communicate my message to the viewer, thus expessing my opinion, my thoguhts, my feelings.

1.) Talk to God/Pray: I like to have a "quiet time" alone with God and tell him my problems, ask him if he could lend me a hand, or just thank him for something. As a Catholic, I try to pray daily, and go to church every Sunday. It is very theraputic. It give me a chance to relax and think about things that may be bothering me. I read somewhere once, that it is very healthy for one to take some time out of there hectic day and have a calm quiet moment to reflect upon, this can be done through yoga, mediation, or pray. It also mentions that this lets the body "recharge," and bring down that stress level. As we let go of the stressful things and bring our focus onto the better things, it will trigger a sense of happiness, for those moments.

 

Good Friday

This is the significant day in every Christians/Catholics lives where we revisit the long past history of Jesus's Crucifixion.

I was raised by a single religious mother, who brought me to church every Sunday of my childhood life. So naturally it is my duty as a Catholic to go to church. Tis' what I did today.

But the reason I wanted to write this post was because I had an epiphany when I reached out to touch the cross. I realized that the hardship that I carry with me day after day, that it all will turn out fine, just as long as I got Jesus beside me.

My mistakes is what builds my character. I will try and try again. If I fail, at least I had the balls to get back up. I need to forget about the troubles and find my happiness.

Sounds cheesy, I know, but that was what was going through my head at the time.

Cristabel's Latest Role Model of 2012

                     My new hero and role model that I have discovered is a young latino woman who looks like she not only has a girly side but a pair of balls that come with it.

The reason she stood out to me is because we both seem to share similar desires, passions and dreams. The only huge difference is the fact that she is living it, and I am still dreaming it.

Her name? Scarett Martinez (No relation to me.)

Why do I look up to her?

Well to anwser that, I first have to let you know a little about me. Ever since I took Fashion Studies in grade 11, I discovered that I really wanted to become a fashion designer. But somewhere deep inside me I have always secretly wanted a job that was physically challenging and one that gave me that "adreinline-rush" kind of atmosphere. In other words, I have always wanted to become a soldier for the military. Deep inside me I feel like I have a personality that wouldn't exactly be considered femanine. In short, I'm very much like a tom-boy, who enjoys to hangout with the "guys," as well as play "dress-up" with the girls.

Scarelett Martinez and I seem to value similar things in life. According to the website of: http://voxxi.com/a-fashion-designer-in-the-u-s-army-identity/ Scarlett Martinez was born in Houston, Texas, and her parents are Colombian. She enlisted in the U.S. army in 2004 during the Iraq War. One of her passions is fashion design. 

When I first come across a youtube video that starred Scarelett, I was shocked at how she overcem the tough obstactles that life hit her with. Her story is truely inspiring. She inspires me greatly.

I encourage anyone who is reading this post to watch the inspirational video in the link above to get a better feel for what I'm talking about.

If you want to know more about me and my dream career checkout my Youtube video vlogs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb8YcvTrHI4&list=UUvOc5DQM0bGAKfeMM6F1TmA&index=13&feature=plcp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbY8gzOLrD4&list=UUvOc5DQM0bGAKfeMM6F1TmA&index=2&feature=plcp

My Bummer Spring Break of 2012

              So it's Saturday, the second last day before Spring Break of 2012 is officially over. I feel like I wasted it all, sitting at home and just watching to much tv. Well, actually I did go to see two movies this week: 21 Jump Street and Hunger Games.


Omg, 21 Street was sooo funny! And Hunger Games turned out to be a pretty good movie. It was kinda like seeing a game of "Predator & Prey." Man, I love that game.


Oh and guess what?


I met my "step-sisters" for the very first time on wed.


Honestly though I didn't want to meet them. My dad just wanted us to get to know each other. He thinks that one day I'll really "need"  them. Fuck that.


I really didn't want to met them at all. It was hard enough letting him back into my life, and now he's trying to sqeeze in these two bitches?


He wanted me and my sister and the rest of those scrapes to have a nice dinner together this weekend . . . YOU GOT to be kidding me!


I need to escape and get out.


So I decided to go to my friend's 18th b-day party today.


YAY! I actually kind of really excited now.


I usually don't go to parties all that often anymore, but this week I just need to get my mind of the stressful things and make myself "busy."


Maybe today will be a good day:)

A Series of Coincidences Between Isabella Blow & My Life

            Yesterday, I was in a book store called, "Indigo" just browsing in the bookshelf labelled, "fashion", when I stumbled upon an interesting book titled, "Blow By Blow." As I read the back summary I become more interested. I sat down at a table and read the first three chapters. It was basically a detailed autobiography of Isabella Blow.

            Now, I'll let you know that before I took this book, I had absolutly no idea who in the world Isabella Blow even was. Thus, after reading some of the book, I discovered she was a Fashion Magazine Editor. She was the women who discovered many famous people, in the UK. She was the one who discovered one of my favorite, and worlds most famous fashion designers, Alexander McQueen (who saddly took his own life on Feb. 11, 2010).

           Another reason why this book really grabbed me, was the fact that she was born on November 19, 1958. I myself was born on Nov.18. My birthday is a day before hers! Isabella had two sisters and a brother named Johnny, who tragically died accidentally at the age of two. He drowned in the family's pond. Her parents became depressed and eventually divorced. My parents are separated but it was for a different reason. However, what really shocked me was the way she died. In numerous attempts to kill herself she finally succeeded when she drank a weed-killer substance. She killed herself deliberately. I had a step-brother last year in April --long story.

            Clearly Isabella was unhappy with her life, and was constantly in battle with depression. But she lived a dream of fashion, a dream where I hope to get a bit of. How could she do this to herself?  Similarly, I feel as though I am often depressed. It may be because my childhood is just as screwed up as her was. My parents separated when I was very young. In fact, I don't even remember having my dad as a father at all. I didn't even know what a father was till I was in grade one. I thought it was a new "trendy thing." Then I discovered EVERYBODY had one, except for me. One the first day of school in grade 1, I would see moms and dads bring their little children to school. But me? My mom had to work, so my grandpa brought me. That old man was more of a father to me than my biological father ever was. I would sometimes cry in the middle of the night, thinking of what life would be like is I had a normal family.  Once my mom caught me and she turned on the lights, she wanted to know why I was balling my eyes out. i didn't want to tell her. I hated talking about myself, and I just didn't want her to know. I was a rather private person who mostly kept to herself. I admit was a bit of a cry baby, when I was young.

             NOW, I'm eighteen years old, and my dad is starting to become a father. But I feel as though he's more than a decade too late. When Dario took his life last year, he finally became interested in mine, and my sister's, and my brother's. Whatta dick! It had to take someone else's life to realize that he wanted to finally become a dad to his first family. Through first my reaction, I feel senses of sad and mad at the same time. Sad because this child age of 13 had committed suicide and mad because that's what it took to finally open up his dusty eyes. My sisters reaction was all like, "Go f*** yourself." My older bro didn't say much he was more of the one to stick out his hand and as soon as the green bill came out of my dad's pocket on touched his skin he left the room.

           Anyways I feel a sort of real connection Isabella's life and mine. She was in conflict with her family, and with her negative thoughts. In the book, it suggests that Isabella may have blamed herself for what had happened to her brother, resulting in her great depression.  I remember when I was about 16 years old and my mother wanted to talk to me, but I was to busy watching a movie, to come to her. She said she wanted to discuss something. I yelled from my seat, "what are you dying?" These words I regret saying, because after the movie I came to her, she was sitting on her bed, with my brother at her side. That's when she told me; "I have cancer."  To this day I just cannot forgive myself for those words that came out of my mouth. My mother had breast cancer and she could have died. However the doctors caught the disease before hand, she went though surgery and today she lives to see another day. But what bugs me is the reason why she even got that disease. We have no family history of breast cancer. The doctors suggested it was from stress. I can believe that, because if you look at her whole life from a third person perspective, she was an immigrant who came to Canada, got married to a guy who drank to much and later cheated on her. She ended up as a single mother raising not one but four children all by herself. Yeah, that's stressful.

          After I came home from Indigo yesterday, I decided read a few autobiographies of Isabella online. I found out that in 1979 she moved to the big apple (NEW YORK!) so that she could study ancient Chinese Art. She attended Columbia University. She also meet two of my favorite artist that I would kill to meet: Andy Warhol and Roy Lichenstein.


In conclusion, I want to go back to the bookstore and maybe buy the book so that I can finish, her story. She and I seem to have a lot in common. I wish I could have had the chance to meet her. Any who, I hope she rests in peace.

Life Is A Beautiful Thing

               This weekend, me and my familia took a three hour road trip to go see my nephew for the first time. When I saw this tiny new born baby, he had huge, bright blue eyes that coordinated with what he was wearing; cute little blue feety pajamas. He was just adorable. Holding this little tiny person in my arms, made me realize that life really is a beautiful thing. He truly looks just like a precious little heavenly angel, that feel from the skys above.

              He has tiny hands with fingernails 1/4 the size of a pencil eraser. His skin is softer and more delicate then this rare-est sand. His head is abou the size of a small orange. He is very quiet too. When we went to church on Sunday, he hardly made a sound. Maybe a grunting baby sound but thats it. Oh and that reminds me, when he gets baptized, I'm going to be his God-Mother! Yay! I can't wait!