Could have died today. . .

Soooo . . . I almost burned the house down today. I woke up did the dishes from yesterday, then I wanted to make some eggs. I put a pan on the stove and turned the stove to number 3. I then put some olive oil on the pan.

While the pan was getting heated I decided turn on the computer & checkout my Youtube inbox. While little did I know this would eventaully lead to me getting distracted by random videos and forgetting the stove was even on.

The next thing I KNOW THE FIRE ALARM WAS GOING OFF. My attention quickly went from the computer to the kitchen. There was smoke everywhere. I rushed to turn off the stove, and pick up the pan to put it in the sink. Thank God there was no fire, otherwise I would have had to use the baking soda to put it out - oh wait, we're out of baking soda! Whatta Morning!

SCHOOL IS FINALLY OUT!! (Heres my summer plans for youtube)

             So its June 19th, 2012 and now I can offically say that "SCHOOLS OUT!!" However, I can't exactly say its out for the summer since I need to do summer school. Yuck. I'm in grade 12 but in order for me to offically graduate I needed one more 30 level course, thus I'm taking Art 30.

       BESIDES summer school though I plan to do some sewing, and making more Youtube vee logs! Yeah!I'm totally excited! I'm also planning to finish up my last vip challenge video before july. If you don't know what a "vip challenge" vid is, here let me explain. Lets cut to the chase and say the its basiclly challenging yourself to go outside and talk to a camera in public. Trust me,  when I first stated this its was a lot harder then it seems. However now I'm on my nineth vip video and I am beginning to find my confidence of vlogging in front of people.

       Baby steps, baby step; its all it take. Well, I guess u can add some guts to that pile to. To put in a bigger perspective think about this: you see people use their cell-phones up to their ears much more often then u see people with cameras up to their faces. When I started vlog in public I got shy because I could see eveyone was looking at me and utimalty judging me. Especially the older people they looked at me like I was a crazy person on the street. Horever now I don't get shy as much. Well, maybe for the first few seconds but it all goes away after I "get into it." Its actually pretty funny to me now. When I vlog in public. I get the feeling that sometimes people star at me to try and figure out who I am. ..like if I'm a famous vlogger on youtube. Ha! That always makes me feel better. I try to forget about the people and think about vlogging.

Anyways, in august I might be volunteering for "hertiage days" and then in september I'll be GOING TO COLLEGE! YAY i'm soo excited but nervous. I'll be living on my own for the first time. Shiet this is a big step for me. I'll let you guys updated on how it goes:)

Want to match the words with a face? HERE"S A LINK TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL>
http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee

You will also find my vip challenge videos:) ENJOY! And subscribe if you have a youtube channel yourself.

My take on the Edmonton version of the reality TV show, "Jersey Shore"

I like to read the metro news every morning on my bus ride to school. Today, though was different. I opened the newspaper to the second page and read an interesting heading that stated: Reality TV Show Holds Casting Call.
At first I got all excited because the thought of that fact that there would be a TV show in EDMONTON (out of all the better places in beautiful Alberta) that's amazing. I'm pretty sure most TV productions would go with along Calgary rather than Edmonton, but not this one. Edmonton is where I was born and raised. It's my home. 
However, my heart immediately dropped when I read further and discovered what this particular TV would base it's content upon.

To summarize quickly in my own words; This article by written Laurie Callusen basically discussed how there is going to be a casting call for an Edmonton version of Jersey Shore, for the "Northsiders".

Yuck, I feel like I'm about to gag. Who even watches that show; Jersey Shore? Like seriously, I have seen it once and immediately thought it was a waste of my life. I'm just not a fan of the shows that star those dramatic attention seekers.

And don't get me wrong, I do support Canadian productions, but the content of drinking, partying, sex, yelling at someone for no apparent reason,  & stupid plain teenage drama, like COME ON, Edmonton is waaaay better than that. I feel like this show is going to portray a bad image for Edmonton. It is bad enough that we're known as the killing capital of Alberta, with the label of "Deadmonton."

Another reason why I'm not  necessary on the boat with this idea, is because its something that's already been there, & ppl have done that. Why can't Canadian Media come up with something fresh, original and unique? A lot of the Canadian versions of shows that I see on TV these days are just Canadian versions of the American ones. Like wtf? Its seems as though we are more of the follower, monkey-see-monkey-do type, rather then being a leader and coming on with our own new ideas. For example take a look at American idol, Canada got a version of that after the Americans made a hit out of it. I could say the same for ____ Got Talent, or even the soon-to-air Canadian version of The Bachelor.

Thus I feel as though this is a bad idea overall. Please leave a comment and let me know what you guys think; yay or nay?

I might even make a YouTube video on this. I'll post the link here once I'm done.

HERE IS THE LINK TO THE YOUTUBE VIDEO YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFGmgfhb8DA

A trip to Elk Island National Park

Last weekend I took a trip with the family to the land of bisions, also known as Alberta's Elk Island National Park. It was nice because we haven't gone to that park all together since we were little kids. And now a new generation is starting since we brought my new baby nephew along with us.

We got to hear a symphony of underwater frogs and see a heard of truly amazingly beautiful heard of bisions. Heres the best shot I got:

ALSO IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE WHOLE TRIP I UESD THE VIDEO FOOTAGE AS MY "VLOGGING IN PUBLIC VIDEO #7" ON YOUTUBE.

HERES THE LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYTMExT9mw&feature=endscreen&NR=1&list=UUvOc5DQM0bGAKfeMM6F1TmAurl

BALLBUSTER Fashion Sketch for Hot Summer 2012

               So its the long weekend of May and here is my latest sketch for summer 2012. I tried to portray the outfits with a modern-classic theme.  

With the one on the left I created a magnificent piece, inspired by a  princess dress. I used a sweet-heart neck line at the top of the dress but I also put an edgy twist into it. I wanted the vertical lines to make an illusion of a thin, tall elegant woman. But ultimately this is a look that could be pulled off with any body shape. This would be perfect for a fancy evening, wedding or ball.

With the ready-to-wear piece on the right I wanted something that was casual, yet fancy. The vertical lines serve the same purpose as the first one. My choice of colour was strictly inspired by the colours that I am blessed to see when I take a look outside in the summer. The pink flowers, yellow pollen, and the fresh soil played a huge part in the overall visual.

Hope you all liked the start to this wonderful collection. If you want to know more about it leave your questions and comments below OR check out my YouTube video on this drawing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xwR9tz3CT4URL

Long weekend+Fashion Book+Reconstructing old jeans.PLUS my take on Avengers

Schools out and now it is the start of the 4day long weekend! Boo-yahhh! The only down side is that it looks like its going to be a rainy one. But other than that I'm excited to get a bit of a break from school. I hate waking up in the mornings. I'm sooo sleeping in this weekend!:-)

I might be going on a road trip to visit my bro but if not I'm planning to do some sewing and try to finish reading the book; How to Set Up and Run a Fashion Label - Toby Meadows . I'm so into it. A couple nights ago I caught myself reading it till 1:30 in the morning. I haven't done that since junior high when I actually loved to read girly novels.

Last weekend I finished sewing a cool project for myself. I noticed I had  a lot of ripped up, worn-down jeans sitting in my closet and collecting dust bunnies. I was thinking of giving these jeans to Goodwill, but then I had a flashback that reminded me of the time I made a skirt from my favorite jeans (that were ripped at the crouch as a result from me attempting to do the splits). This shot out numerous star ideas from my head. I decided to reuse/recycle these jeans into a top, and make a YouTube video of me doing it. In the end though since I had a lot of jeans to work with I was able to make a whole mini dress out of it. It looks so awesome! If you guys want to check it out here's a link to the YouTube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RRtYseHzU8&list=UUvOc5DQM0bGAKfeMM6F1TmA&index=0&feature=plcp

Yesterday I saw The Avengers . TBH: I didn't enjoy that movie all that much. I know everyone said it was sooo good but to me it kinda sucked. I know people that would have rated it 9/10 but I would rate it more like 5.8/10. I don't know what sucked more the plot of the story or the gay video animated graphics that they had edited with. I think its because I'm just not a fan of video games; they are such a WASTE of time and money. Personally I plain out despise them.
The only two things I did like were; the hot guys and the funny jokes. Ha! They just got some good jokes, especially from Mr.Robert Downey, Jr. What a funny man!

Any-who I also plan to make a youtube video to update my vlogging.
p.s. i' putting my (vip) "vlogging in public videos" on hold for now.
Peace out & God-bless you!

Sweet Verbena: Making Your Own Pattern: a tutorial

Sweet Verbena: Making Your Own Pattern: a tutorial: Patterns aren't cheap . Seriously, I was browsing through through the look books at Hobby Lobby the other day and some of them were  as muc...

Trying To Get Back On the Ball

My last post I said that I quit school, well I was just in a really depressive mood, from the shit that goes down in my missed up family. I decided that I'm just going to go to the classes that I enjoy. This means I'm just going to take a failing mark for bio but I'll still be attending English and math.

*sigh* I'm such a failure. Its bad enough i'm pretty much the oldest person in the class.

(One of the main reason I hate going to school though is that fact that most of the classmates act like fcken monkeys, half of them don't know the meaning of "shut your damn banana hole!")


Today in English the teacher gave me an assignment that had to do with an anecdote. For those who don't know what this is I pulled up the definition from wikipedia.

Anecdote - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia An anecdote is a short and amusing or interesting story about a real incident or person.

Now I have to write my own anecdote on who my mentor is, and what the most important question was that I asked them.

Honestly?

I have nooo idea. I think I'll really have to think about that one..

Maybe I'll write about my mom. hmmm. Maybe.

I also need to do the letter assignment from two days ago. OMG this is going to be the third time trying to type it out. The first time I did it in class on the laptops and I forgot to save it onto my account. The second time I thought I sent the document to myself but when I clicked on the message there was nothing there. WTF? aghhh. Fuck my life. I hate doing things three time let alone twice!

Is there any way I can become a FASHION DESIGNER without going to school?

I have done some extensive research to see if going to college is actually worth the time and the money.

I am currently eighteen years old. Going to High school is SUCH a drag.

The way i see it is:: whats the point of wasting my time in a classroom where I dread being in?

My dream is to become a fashion designer not a doctor! Why do I really need biology 30? it is , more likely I'd forget most of everything I learned in the class in less then a month. I just don't see the point.

 I feel like I should just drop high school and start my fashion design career learning from books, website and YouTube. I consider myself to be a very independent person.

In for 2.5 years I have gone to a high school were I was in a "self-directed learning program." It wasn't easy to begin with but I eventually got the hang of teaching myself without a teacher. Basically that's what the school was all about. I would come into the building meet with my teacher adviser and then head onto the "learning floor" pick a desk where I wouldn't get distracted and start working on my learning guides (modules). There were about 2 seminar classes per week and that's it. I mean it was so chill.

But the only real problem I had was the fact that I just couldn't teach myself math. I would spend hours at the math desk. I knew I needed a real math teacher. Theres some things I can teach myself like social and English but then there is math - the most dreadful subject of all. The one I've always had problems with even when I was younger. So the second semester I decided that I would move to a normal structured high school.

Boy was that a mistake. I mean, I'm doing well in math 20-2 now that I have a teacher.
But what really grinds my gears about being in a normal high school is the fact that I actually have to listen to the teacher's mombo jumbo. Half the time the teacher doesn't even teacher because the kids are having their a.d.d moments and the teachers have to stop and get them settled.

God, I really hate school in general. I used-to be able to study for science, but now I just don't have the motivation to study something I don't want to. My motivational drive is in the concept of art and fashion. I have always had a more creative mind, rather then a mathematical one. Everyone has their own strengths. They may solve a problem a different way then me. I personally don't think HS is for me. Its wasting a lot of my time. Remember Alexander McQueen? Yes, how can anyone forget! If you don't know who this brilliant man once was then go back to your cave. You may be surprised to learn that he too was a high school dropout. He later somehow got into (a dream school of mine) in London called  Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design. He is my idol.

However, not everyone I know is exactly on board with me. I told my mom I was going to dropout yesterday and It was like an Earth Quake hit the room all of a sudden. Shes yelling and telling me that I'm going to end up like my brother; a unemployed father. (well, at least he graduated from hs, i guess) She says I'm never going to find a good job if I don't take the first step and finish that diploma. But she doesn't understand. She's a nursing attendant for Peace sakes! And my dad? Ha! whatta Joke.

If anyone is still reading this post, please tell me what you think. Can a high school dropout really succeed in this competitive world? Or am I only lining myself up to be another mim. waged patty flipper?

ALSO, Check out my vlog on my YouTuble channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee

The "Vlogging In Public" 2012 Challenge!!!

I have always had a hard time trying to get the courage to vlog infront of people. I wanted to attempt it but every time I did I'd get shot down by the faces of other people. People looked at me as though I am from a different planet. Like I am some kind of alien who just arrived on planet Earth. Being too self-conscience of what they might be thinking of me, I would rather just put away the camera and act normal, then the reverse. To get a better understanding of what I mean here is a link to my YouTube video that brings up this exact subject: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1su9SbPSwBc

But now this has to come to a stop, for I am not just an ordinary, normal, boring person. I am a young, unique individual with an interesting personality and it is time that I embrace that. I shouldn't care what people think of me. My business, is my business. In spite of all that, it is easier said then done.


After I did make that video (with the link above) on, "My Take On Fears Of Vlogging In Public," I was challenged by another YouTube vlogger to make ten YouTube videos in Public IN JUST FIFTEEN DAYS! And if I do all that I win myself a subscriber. At first, I admit I was kind of hesitant - could I really do this? -Was I really up for this challenge?

Then I said, ahhh, you know what? Fuck it, I'm gunna DO IT! I gotta DO IT! It would help me gain some confidence in myself. It wouldn't be a challenge if it was a piece of cake. For me this is a pretty big challenge, with a time limit. So far I have made One V.I.P. video with nine more soon to be coming.
Here is the link to the first one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZnd4R4aOkQ&feature=relmfu

If you have a YouTube channel, please feel free to subscribe. It would be nice to know that more people will be there for me. This also, gives me a reason to make videos, as well as pushing myself with the encouragement of my subscribers to vlog out in the open.

Top 12 Things I Like To Do

HERE ARE THE TOP TWELVE THINGS I LIKE TO DO:


12) Listening  to music; I can't even begin to image how life would be like without music and songs and sounds. When ever I wake up in the mornings to go to school, one of the first thing I will do is turn on the radio and listen to a song on 102.3 NOW! radio.

11) Going into indigo, picking a book about a random fashion designer and reading it. Sometimes after school if I had a bad day, or a stressful day, I go to this book store. I love reading about fashion designers I haven't heard about yet. Most of the time their stories are very inspirational. Their stories also tend to motivate me, and remind me that to be successful there must be those long stressful days where you have put in all your effect, and your beat-up by the end of it all. I want to be a fashion designer in the future, so reading book like this also helps me with that, and plus its just fun!

10.) Going on long nature walks in the forest/woods, and taking pictures of nature. I admire the singing birds the fresh air, and the tall trees. It let's me escape a bit of reality and puts me in a relaxation situation. It helps me reflect upon everything around me. It triggers moments (like the ones showen in the photographs) that I can stop and unwind. I can just think about life itself.

9.) Getting Drunk (but not to the point where I'm totally wasted) I remember the moment I turned eighteen my friend also had a hotel party, I had more that just one drink. I love that effect it gives me. My friends have said I'm not the aggressive drinker, which is good; apparently I'm the happy-but-emotional drinker. I love drinking with friends. And being half European I just its just in my blood to like that stuff.


8.) Bake:my favourite things to bake are coffee cake, garlic bread and cinnamon rolls:)


7.) Try new things: gymnastics, horse riding, wake boarding, motorcycle riding


6.) Watch the latest movies on cheap tuesdays in the expensive theatres. Usually I go with my movie buddy. (C.E.)


5.) Excersize/workout: doesn't matter whether its at the gym, at home , or outside.  


4.) Write Blogs, and make Youtube videos: Its fun and it helps me gain confindence in myself. I can express myelf and my opinions freely, and openly. I can also have some time to reflect and write down/say my thoughts.
Here's a link to my Youtube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee

3.) Travelling: I love going to Poland and visiting my family there. I love going on road trips to Calgary, and the Mountains of Banff and Jasper. I've also been to El Salvador, and viewed the way other cultures live. Travelling opens my eyes to see a wider range of the world. To be able to see different ways of other different people is just fanastic. In addition, I just love going on adventures.

2.) Draw/sketch: This is something I remember doing ever since I was a very young child. My mom even brought me to art classes at the Art Gallery. But after awhile it was got too expesive so I stopped going. But I've taking art 10 &20 in High School. I especially love drawing things like cars, animals & fashion sketches. Drawing is also a passion of mine, creating is just in my nature. My mind works in creatively mysterious ways. With every drawing I create I freely let my artistic vibes flow and just draw from what ever is inside my head to how I feel about it in my heart. Through drawings I can also communicate my message to the viewer, thus expessing my opinion, my thoguhts, my feelings.

1.) Talk to God/Pray: I like to have a "quiet time" alone with God and tell him my problems, ask him if he could lend me a hand, or just thank him for something. As a Catholic, I try to pray daily, and go to church every Sunday. It is very theraputic. It give me a chance to relax and think about things that may be bothering me. I read somewhere once, that it is very healthy for one to take some time out of there hectic day and have a calm quiet moment to reflect upon, this can be done through yoga, mediation, or pray. It also mentions that this lets the body "recharge," and bring down that stress level. As we let go of the stressful things and bring our focus onto the better things, it will trigger a sense of happiness, for those moments.

 

Good Friday

This is the significant day in every Christians/Catholics lives where we revisit the long past history of Jesus's Crucifixion.

I was raised by a single religious mother, who brought me to church every Sunday of my childhood life. So naturally it is my duty as a Catholic to go to church. Tis' what I did today.

But the reason I wanted to write this post was because I had an epiphany when I reached out to touch the cross. I realized that the hardship that I carry with me day after day, that it all will turn out fine, just as long as I got Jesus beside me.

My mistakes is what builds my character. I will try and try again. If I fail, at least I had the balls to get back up. I need to forget about the troubles and find my happiness.

Sounds cheesy, I know, but that was what was going through my head at the time.

Cristabel's Latest Role Model of 2012

                     My new hero and role model that I have discovered is a young latino woman who looks like she not only has a girly side but a pair of balls that come with it.

The reason she stood out to me is because we both seem to share similar desires, passions and dreams. The only huge difference is the fact that she is living it, and I am still dreaming it.

Her name? Scarett Martinez (No relation to me.)

Why do I look up to her?

Well to anwser that, I first have to let you know a little about me. Ever since I took Fashion Studies in grade 11, I discovered that I really wanted to become a fashion designer. But somewhere deep inside me I have always secretly wanted a job that was physically challenging and one that gave me that "adreinline-rush" kind of atmosphere. In other words, I have always wanted to become a soldier for the military. Deep inside me I feel like I have a personality that wouldn't exactly be considered femanine. In short, I'm very much like a tom-boy, who enjoys to hangout with the "guys," as well as play "dress-up" with the girls.

Scarelett Martinez and I seem to value similar things in life. According to the website of: http://voxxi.com/a-fashion-designer-in-the-u-s-army-identity/ Scarlett Martinez was born in Houston, Texas, and her parents are Colombian. She enlisted in the U.S. army in 2004 during the Iraq War. One of her passions is fashion design. 

When I first come across a youtube video that starred Scarelett, I was shocked at how she overcem the tough obstactles that life hit her with. Her story is truely inspiring. She inspires me greatly.

I encourage anyone who is reading this post to watch the inspirational video in the link above to get a better feel for what I'm talking about.

If you want to know more about me and my dream career checkout my Youtube video vlogs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb8YcvTrHI4&list=UUvOc5DQM0bGAKfeMM6F1TmA&index=13&feature=plcp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbY8gzOLrD4&list=UUvOc5DQM0bGAKfeMM6F1TmA&index=2&feature=plcp

My Bummer Spring Break of 2012

              So it's Saturday, the second last day before Spring Break of 2012 is officially over. I feel like I wasted it all, sitting at home and just watching to much tv. Well, actually I did go to see two movies this week: 21 Jump Street and Hunger Games.


Omg, 21 Street was sooo funny! And Hunger Games turned out to be a pretty good movie. It was kinda like seeing a game of "Predator & Prey." Man, I love that game.


Oh and guess what?


I met my "step-sisters" for the very first time on wed.


Honestly though I didn't want to meet them. My dad just wanted us to get to know each other. He thinks that one day I'll really "need"  them. Fuck that.


I really didn't want to met them at all. It was hard enough letting him back into my life, and now he's trying to sqeeze in these two bitches?


He wanted me and my sister and the rest of those scrapes to have a nice dinner together this weekend . . . YOU GOT to be kidding me!


I need to escape and get out.


So I decided to go to my friend's 18th b-day party today.


YAY! I actually kind of really excited now.


I usually don't go to parties all that often anymore, but this week I just need to get my mind of the stressful things and make myself "busy."


Maybe today will be a good day:)

A Series of Coincidences Between Isabella Blow & My Life

            Yesterday, I was in a book store called, "Indigo" just browsing in the bookshelf labelled, "fashion", when I stumbled upon an interesting book titled, "Blow By Blow." As I read the back summary I become more interested. I sat down at a table and read the first three chapters. It was basically a detailed autobiography of Isabella Blow.

            Now, I'll let you know that before I took this book, I had absolutly no idea who in the world Isabella Blow even was. Thus, after reading some of the book, I discovered she was a Fashion Magazine Editor. She was the women who discovered many famous people, in the UK. She was the one who discovered one of my favorite, and worlds most famous fashion designers, Alexander McQueen (who saddly took his own life on Feb. 11, 2010).

           Another reason why this book really grabbed me, was the fact that she was born on November 19, 1958. I myself was born on Nov.18. My birthday is a day before hers! Isabella had two sisters and a brother named Johnny, who tragically died accidentally at the age of two. He drowned in the family's pond. Her parents became depressed and eventually divorced. My parents are separated but it was for a different reason. However, what really shocked me was the way she died. In numerous attempts to kill herself she finally succeeded when she drank a weed-killer substance. She killed herself deliberately. I had a step-brother last year in April --long story.

            Clearly Isabella was unhappy with her life, and was constantly in battle with depression. But she lived a dream of fashion, a dream where I hope to get a bit of. How could she do this to herself?  Similarly, I feel as though I am often depressed. It may be because my childhood is just as screwed up as her was. My parents separated when I was very young. In fact, I don't even remember having my dad as a father at all. I didn't even know what a father was till I was in grade one. I thought it was a new "trendy thing." Then I discovered EVERYBODY had one, except for me. One the first day of school in grade 1, I would see moms and dads bring their little children to school. But me? My mom had to work, so my grandpa brought me. That old man was more of a father to me than my biological father ever was. I would sometimes cry in the middle of the night, thinking of what life would be like is I had a normal family.  Once my mom caught me and she turned on the lights, she wanted to know why I was balling my eyes out. i didn't want to tell her. I hated talking about myself, and I just didn't want her to know. I was a rather private person who mostly kept to herself. I admit was a bit of a cry baby, when I was young.

             NOW, I'm eighteen years old, and my dad is starting to become a father. But I feel as though he's more than a decade too late. When Dario took his life last year, he finally became interested in mine, and my sister's, and my brother's. Whatta dick! It had to take someone else's life to realize that he wanted to finally become a dad to his first family. Through first my reaction, I feel senses of sad and mad at the same time. Sad because this child age of 13 had committed suicide and mad because that's what it took to finally open up his dusty eyes. My sisters reaction was all like, "Go f*** yourself." My older bro didn't say much he was more of the one to stick out his hand and as soon as the green bill came out of my dad's pocket on touched his skin he left the room.

           Anyways I feel a sort of real connection Isabella's life and mine. She was in conflict with her family, and with her negative thoughts. In the book, it suggests that Isabella may have blamed herself for what had happened to her brother, resulting in her great depression.  I remember when I was about 16 years old and my mother wanted to talk to me, but I was to busy watching a movie, to come to her. She said she wanted to discuss something. I yelled from my seat, "what are you dying?" These words I regret saying, because after the movie I came to her, she was sitting on her bed, with my brother at her side. That's when she told me; "I have cancer."  To this day I just cannot forgive myself for those words that came out of my mouth. My mother had breast cancer and she could have died. However the doctors caught the disease before hand, she went though surgery and today she lives to see another day. But what bugs me is the reason why she even got that disease. We have no family history of breast cancer. The doctors suggested it was from stress. I can believe that, because if you look at her whole life from a third person perspective, she was an immigrant who came to Canada, got married to a guy who drank to much and later cheated on her. She ended up as a single mother raising not one but four children all by herself. Yeah, that's stressful.

          After I came home from Indigo yesterday, I decided read a few autobiographies of Isabella online. I found out that in 1979 she moved to the big apple (NEW YORK!) so that she could study ancient Chinese Art. She attended Columbia University. She also meet two of my favorite artist that I would kill to meet: Andy Warhol and Roy Lichenstein.


In conclusion, I want to go back to the bookstore and maybe buy the book so that I can finish, her story. She and I seem to have a lot in common. I wish I could have had the chance to meet her. Any who, I hope she rests in peace.

Life Is A Beautiful Thing

               This weekend, me and my familia took a three hour road trip to go see my nephew for the first time. When I saw this tiny new born baby, he had huge, bright blue eyes that coordinated with what he was wearing; cute little blue feety pajamas. He was just adorable. Holding this little tiny person in my arms, made me realize that life really is a beautiful thing. He truly looks just like a precious little heavenly angel, that feel from the skys above.

              He has tiny hands with fingernails 1/4 the size of a pencil eraser. His skin is softer and more delicate then this rare-est sand. His head is abou the size of a small orange. He is very quiet too. When we went to church on Sunday, he hardly made a sound. Maybe a grunting baby sound but thats it. Oh and that reminds me, when he gets baptized, I'm going to be his God-Mother! Yay! I can't wait!

Shits Going Down But I Gotta Nephew!

               A couple of posts back I mentioned that my brother had his first child. What I didn't mention was the fact that he wasn't able to take the baby home because welfare had custody of the child. Apparently the social workers were concerned about the fact that there was a bad history of the woman he had the baby with.

          I still haven't seen the baby but I might go this weekend with the rest of my family & visit him. My bro lives in a different city about three hours away from me. My brother goes to see the baby weekly. The people have custody of the baby just until the trail, for his court date; he's fighting to get his boy back. Yesterday he sent me a picture of little guy. He looks just like one of those adorable babies on those Huggy Commercials. He's just about one of the most cutest things I've ever seen in my life. A true miracle. He has these bright blue eyes which may change to brown as he gets older. (However, my mom and my grandpa both had blue eyes, so maybe it might be a recessive trait.)

          I laughed when I read the t-shit he was wearing. It says, "Daddy is my Hero." My brother has always been a little bit or a rebel every since we were young. He doesn't always make the best choices, but he's a human being. I must admit though he was quite bright in high school, he had very high grades, higher then mine that for sure. But he also had a sense of rebelliousness inside him.
        
          The other day I was watching an episode of Reggis and Kelly expect Reggis wasn't there and the guest host was Alec Baldwin and he said that he had a theory for same gender kids born of four. He said that the first one is going to be the good one, the senate. The second one is going to be the bad one, the bankrobber. The third one will be the senate and the fourth one with be a bank robber. My family may be the evidence to back up his theory.

           In my family there were four kids. My older brother 1, my second older brother 2, me3 and then finally my younger sister 4. Now I'll let you know that I will not disclose their names for reasons that will accuse me that I am somewhat exploiting their personal life. My older brother grew up to be a bit of a nerd. He was the "Goody-two-shoes" in the family. He was the one who passed high school with flying colours and went on to college, determined to pursue his million dollar dream. He was defiantly a "senate".Then there was my second brother the one who just received his first child. He was one of those children that would rather enjoy life at the moment. He loved to play anything from video games, to a game of VERY ROUGH football. In Junior High, he got into a lot of school fights. However in high school he matured from these fights. But he wasn't necessarily "good" either. He may have been smart but he didn't use his intelligence for the good. I could swear the only reason he took chemistry was so that he could build a better understanding of how to mix and make drugs and later sell them. After high school, I don't know what he did. He moved out at 18 and I didn't hear from him for months. I could see my mom was sad, she was constantly praying the rosary at night. She's very religious. Case in point,brother 2 was the bank robber. 

         Me, I wouldn't really say I'm the senate. I'm not the brightest light bulb in the box. My mind is more of a creative mind. I'm somewhat in the middle I know my right from wrong but I sometimes bend the rules. I care for people in need, animals and the environment but I also remember one summer where I was so bored I stole a nom off someone front yard in the middle of the night just for fun. Which reminds me I still need to give that thing  back, its been huanting me ever since. However, if you do compare me to my younger sister then yes I am the good one. My sister is such a rebal. In junior high she and her friends went to go egg a girls house because she was talking shit. She got charged an had to do community servus.

         In conclusion, everyone in my family varies in the form of behaivor and personalities. We are all different. Yet I do hope my bro's baby turns out to be a senate.

Cristabel's illustration for Summer 2012 Ball Gown

I was experimenting with water colour paints. I created numerous fashion design sketches inspired from Disney princesses/queens. I then later altered them for a more modern look.  I took the best sketch and brought it to life with water colour paints. And this is the result: a water colour piece for summer 2012.


               

If you have the time, I'd like some feed back. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment below.

My favourite performer on Canada's Got Talent 2012

When I first heard about the "Canada's Got Talent" show auditions, it was just last year. I remember it briefly partly because of all the commercial call-outs but mainly b/c I was working part time at Winners and a girl was talking about auditioning for it.  She was about two years younger then me (I was eighteen). I ccouldn't stop myself from eavesdropping. Excitedly, I said, "Oh, that is soo cool! What kind of talent will you be doing?" She looked pleased that I was interested. She exclaimed, "I will be singing! I can't wait for it." Her mom then said, "Even though I'm not going to be the one auditioning, I think I'm  a lot more nervous then she is." We all  burst out laughing because the tone that she used really did make it sound like she was nervous and she's not even the one singing!
 

Well, since I have started watching Canada's got talent just last week, I don't think I did see that girl on TV. Oh, well. However, there has been many interesting, stupid, funny, amazing talents on the show. The talent that I liked the most would be The Hooper named, Aygul Memet, who is 36years old. In the past she was an Uighur circus performer who came to Canada after the Chinese occupied East Turkestan and didn't see her husband and daughter for three years after her escape.

One of the reasons I did like her act, was because it seems like a peaceful meditational state. It is defiantly a unique art form of dance. I remember when I was in grade two, my mother signed me up for a year of rhythmic gymnastics. Besides dancing around with ribbons, we also worked with hula hoops. It wasn't until I saw Aygul's act did I remember how much fun it was. Now, I feel like I should try it again. Although I'll have to buy some brand new hula hoops.But I dunno, I feel like I'm kinda old for it. I mean that I haven't been doing it in a long time, I know I have lost my touch. But maybe one day I'll try again.


Like what you read? Want to match these words to a face? Checkout my youtube channel today! http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee

What's the Deal With KONY 2012?

 What is Kony 2012?


It is a project to stop a very bad man for the crimes he has committed. His name? Joseph Kony. When I first seen about a tiny shot of it on the news I didn't really think all that much of it, then I kept hearing about it at school. A classmate of mine asked everyone: "hey, have you guys heard about that Kony Video? -its already got a lot of hits on YouTube." So that same day when I came home from school, I turned on my computer to see this video for my self. It was lengthy but every minute of it was worth it. To find out that a man, Kony, was kidnapping thousands of children from the arms of their parents, giving them a gun, using them as either soldier slaves or sex slaves, makes me sick to the stomach. Have you ever seen the movie "Blood Diamond" starring Leonardo DiCaprio? This horrific event ties in very closely to the events that these poor children most likely faced.


The US army is working with the Army of Uganda to find Kony and capture him. However, the us government may recall their soldiers if they think that the people don't care. The expiry date is Dec. 2012 of this year! The pickle is the fact that most people don't know who Kony is.



In order to stop Kony, the video makes an excellent point of the fact that we need to be aware. Thus, this means Kony needs to be famous. SO other famous people example, actors Angelina Jolie, George Clooney, Speakers: Oprah Winfrey, Singers ; Lady Gaga, Jay-z, and even politicians like Stephen Harper are speaking out about it.



You Should watch the video on youtube and find out how YOU can help:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc



Or Go to the offical website:
http://www.youtube.com/redirect?q=http%3A%2F%2Fkony2012.com%2F&session_token=RIParlYyiIEAp4Cyb-pK87gueLl8MTMzMTU3NzQ0MEAxMzMxNDkxMDQw

If you want to match these words to a face you can hit the subscribe button on
my Youtube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee

Coming Soon: Women's/Environmental Health Video Plus Vlog's

               I have always wanted to start vlogging, but never really had the technology to do it, until now. I saved up money and eventually bought myself an awesome camera. However, my original purpose of the camera was to create a video entry for the Pink and Green Ribbon Scholarship contest of 2012.

               I should have the educational video up, for everyone to see, before April 10th 2012. This was a project that was specifically aimed to create and educate women about the connection between women's health and the environment's health. I did have to research about the topic and later write a script in my own words, so it was not just a one day project. In fact, it took me about a four weeks to put it all together (in between school and life).  But I'm glad I did, because I learned a lot while I was researching it. I found out that with time, contaminants link to increased cancers, illness, asthma, even depression and lots of other health problems. These contaminants can be everywhere from the air we breathe to the water we drink, and the food we eat. They are from all the pollutants that us humans may be contributing through our daily activities (example: emissions from cars and transportation trucks that import the food we but at Safeway). It is really sad how our world is being destroyed by the creatures within it. At the end of the video I even challenged to women to change their life, by making two propositions; 1 to change their body in a positive way (example: go for a jog once a day) and 2 to change the environment (example: recycle).

I like this quote:
To tackle climate change you don't have to reduce your quality of life, but you do have to change the way you live - Ken Livingstone, Mayor of London (foreword to the Mayor's Climate Change Action Plan, 2007)


                 Anyways getting back to the topic of vlogs, I want to start making some. It was seems like a fun hobby to do. I know my first few vlogs may not begin as being the best, but everyone has to start somewhere. Its all in the process of learning. The flower has to start from a little seed before it begins to sprout. I have to be honest though, it is kind of weird to talk to yourself and just a camera. Thus, I will put the links on this page after I finish a editing a couple of my first vlogs, so subscribe to my Youtube &/or stay tuned if you want to match these words with a face! Good day my friends!

HERE IS THE VLOG LINK, ENJOY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHnz0hoYQ_Y&context=C408562bADvjVQa1PpcFNFFv3iywMdl-HvbaEVeXDYLrR4XP913lo=

Hot Topic: Spring is coming + International women's day

            Yay! The weather is getting warmer and spring will soon be here. Can't wait to go running around the block instead of staying inside, keeping warm/sitting on the couch and getting fat. There really isn't a lot of things to do during the cold winter days. Especially in this boring city.

            Apparently yesterday was International Women's Day, and I didn't really know until I over heard it on the radio. Over the decades we, women have gone really far in Canada. Thanks to the "famous Five" women, we can now vote and wear pants! Pants! In this country we are seen as equals with the men. Today, there are now women who do things that were once considered "man" jobs, such as a police officer, truck driver,  judge. We, women can now go further in life careers then back in the day. AND FOR THIS I AM PROUD, proud of women in this country. Go Girls! 

Anyone know how to restore Youtube videos, 2012 homepage addition?

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.  This makes it hard to plan the day. 
~Elwyn Brooks White

            Yesterday I commmited one of the worst crimes I could possibily do. However, its not like I meant to; I did it accidentally . . . I . . .I accidently deleted my Youtube videos when I only ment to delete one. Omg I could be so stupid sometimes. I had a bunch of my art videos on there, and memories from El Salvador. Honestly, I can't believe it even happened. Its like my life is over. This may sound stupid but every video I made, was a connected part of me. Everything I built is just taken away from me. Its beginning to sound like I just had someone close to me die, doesn't it? Well, in a way, I did sort of loose myself. I feel like there is an empty hole inside me. For the most part I didn't make those videos for other people, I made them for myself and later decided to share with the world what beauty I had created. 

           I just recently made a youtube video asking anyone who knows how to restore videos from the 2012 youtube page, if they would kindly help me. I did know how to do it before Youtube had a tare down and changed the page. I tried to look for some tutorial vids that would help me but no one seems to have made a video for the 2012 Youtube page, yet. 


FML. :[

This is my latest youtube channel : http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee

My Winter Fashion Design Clothing Line Collection For 2012

For a Youtube version of this post click here;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxjIwol1ctI&feature=channel_video_title

Snowy Winter Day

            It snowed continuously last night, with blistering cold winds. It is now the afternoon and yet it's still snowing! I used to love the snow, when I was a kid, but not so much anymore. Living up in the north side of the earth all my life, I'm just sick and tired of the snow. I used-to go skiing and skating and tobogganing. Now I'd rather do more summer activities then winter ones. Things just aren't the same when you start to grow-up.

        
Sometimes I wish I lived in California. I always wanted to learn how to surf. In fact, it's something on my bucket list. Not to mention getting a nice brown tan there as well. Or what about Australia? Hmm, I can only wish.

Anyways enough day-dreaming let's get down to earth and face reality. Since it was snowing lightly this morning, (before I thought it was going to stop at some point) me and my sister went out to shovel the snow in the backyard, and on the main road. It would be a lot easier if we had one of those snow blowers. My neighbor has one. And he's done in about half the time that it takes us to shovel the snow! Amazing!

Today's an ugly day and I don't want to go outside anymore. People are driving granny speed and besides I got a lot of bio homework to complete. Unfortunately I am not interesting in doing any homework at the moment. I did draw a quick winter outfit for today though. Here the pic below:

     I took the pic from my phone, and it only has about 2.0 MP, but you get the idea. It is basically a knit turtle sweater attached with two open-fingered gloves at the end of both sleeves. That way it keeps your hands partially warm as well. I added a kangaroo pouch in the front to get a more sporty feel and because I love pockets! I wanted the pants to be somewhat colour coordinated with the top, but not quite. So I added a gray colour. It sort of reminded me of motorcycle pants in a way. Ha! I love the whole outfit. I would totally wear it on a snowing day like today! 

You Nooze, You Lose

            Yesterday I went to my first Oilers hockey game. It was Oilers vs. Phili Flyer's. Guess who won ? Oils! TBH: I don't really care much for hockey. I was never really a hockey fan in the first place. But I guess its alright to watch. The fights on the ice are fun to watch at least. On the other hand, I'd rather go see a basketball game then hockey. No I'm not American, but this does sort of differentiate myself from being a "true" Canadian.

           Today, I woke up and I was very tired, I didn't get enough sleep so I went back to bed, thus being absent this morning from bio, and English class. Oh, and this reminds me . .  my friend is going to be mad because she left her binder in my locker and I'm not at school. This was actually two days ago that she left it in my locker, and then yesterday I brought it to class and she didn't show up. When I texted her, she told me she was, "sick." I only got one comment to that: bullshit. Oh, well, you noose, you lose. However, I am still going to school for this afternoon, just for my math class because I got a test. I'm pretty sure I'll do better on this one. I understood this section a lot more then the last one.

Moto Master Piece

Here is just an art piece I have been working on at home. My dad has given me this motorcycle, but I can't ride it until I get my license:( And that probably won't be till the summer; when there is no snow on the ground.

                Also, I made this project as my Art vid#3 on Youtube. I was actually pleased with my results. I drew cars before but, a motorcyle is a bit more detailed.

Want the link? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4Q327a8ves&feature=channel_video_title

Here is a link to the clay project in Art vid#2: http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee#p/a/u/2/bBkeqiGVlk8

If you want to see "Ballbuster fashion design sketches" (basic) Art vid#1 click here;  http://www.youtube.com/user/TornAPartPaperHeart?feature=mhee#p/a/u/1/AHznJXhssXM

Going To Start A New Hair Trend

                So I was playing around with my boring hair, and I think I may have discovered a hairstyle that actually works for me! At first I tried to do a dutch braid but turns out its a lot harder to do it on yourself than another person. Then I tried a bunch of other different braids, fish tail (but my hair's too short for that.) After at least an hour I randomly made one giant braid on the top of my head that I have decided to call: "Mohawk-Pony-Braid," mainly because the braid is positioned on the center of my head, with a simple pony-tail in the back. I also used a couple of bobby pins to hold the end of the braid down, since my hair was layered when it was cut.

I think I'm going to start a new hair trend:)

And Maybe, just maybe it'll catch on, and others will keep it going.

Nine Things Foreigners Should Know About Canada

          On YouTube I recently stumbled over a video, where a young foreigner was planning to move to Canada. She had absolutely no idea what it was like living in Canada. She wanted to know more about it: specifically about the people,and their natural behaviour, clothes, food, high school, and more. So this blog post will be aimed for and dedicated for those curious people.

Here are nine things I think all foreigners should know before coming to Canada:

1. Canada is a multicultural country where, thanks to the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, (http://laws.justice.gc.ca/eng/charter/page-1.html#l_I) all people of different religions and races are accepted.
2. We don't abuse our children nor our dogs.
3. Remember to BRING or buy a winter coat/jacket, mittens, a scarf, because our climate is considered quite cold.
4. French and English are the two official languages of Canada.
5. In Alberta, High School often starts in the beginning of September all through June, and July & August are the two months for summer vacation.
6. Name any fruit you know and about 90% of the time we got it imported here.
7. Just like the people we have a huge diversity in food, and restaurants; anything from Chow mien, to spicy chicken curry.
8. DO NOT constantly go to fast-food restaurants, especially Mac Donald's! The main reason why we do have a number of obese individuals waddling around is because they end up eating too much junk food.
9. MOST IMPORTANTLY, DON'T FORGET YOUR CULTURE. Living here since the day I was born, I have seen many foreigners loose sight of their own cultural traditions, and become "white-washed." They truly loose them selves in a way. They forget about who they were when they got here. They forget their language. They choose to neglect their heritage. They slowly move away from it and forget it all. I advise that you remember and cherish your culture, for the next generations to come.

Hoped this helped.

Trolling Through Another Magical Day of High School

                            Even though I had a bad start to this day, the ending wasn't so bad.  From the moment I woke up I had a REALLY BAD back cramp. It felt kinda like my stomach cramps during my period. It hurt and ached, especially when I turned my head to the side. I probably looked like some old person walking around, holding my back. I had a hard trying to fall asleep last night. I kept waking up, throughout the night. I think it was either my mattress, or the stress of my bio test in the morning. Or both. DAMN that stupid cheap IKEA mattress. Actually, its not even a mattress, its more like a giant rectangular sponge.

                            I decided to get up 10 mins earlier so that I could make it to school and have some time to spare for studying. But I missed my bus. So I had to wait another 20 mins for the next one. I was almost late for my test this morning. Thank God, I got through it. I don't know how well I did, I just hoped I passed. I actually studied the weekend before for it.

                           After I had my bio test, I somehow made it through English class. Then before I knew it, it was LUNCH : my favourite subject of the day. For lunch I walked over to the Spanish/Salvadorean Restaurant, to get some papauses. I was craving them! The short Salvadorean lady who makes them, Rosa(a very nice woman), was in the back. She looked so busy, hastily walking from one place to another. When she saw me, she told me I may have to wait a little bit, but I wasn't in a hurry to get back to school. So I told her it was all good, I could wait. That's when she told me that she was to fill an order of 300 papuases before 12 o'clock for a school. My eyes just widened! That's crazzzzzzzy! Poor little lady was working BY herself making 300 papuses! My sympathy goes out to Rosa. So after about 25 mins, she finally had my order done, with a bonus! Get this, 1 papuasa in Canada costs $3.00. But she was so kind. When she handed me my order she said, "I make two for you!" So I got two papusas for the price of one! What a magical day!

                            After lunch, I had math class, where I wrote a mini quiz (a.k.a. super easy, baby math test). The teacher explained the next section leaving us with homework for the long weekend. Yupieeee Homework! Oh boy, I just can't wait to start on that! [sarcasm*]  I have a PD day tomorrow, so I'm planning to go visit my old school, to see some friends and maybe even go say hi to my good old "ta"(teacher advisor). Also, after the weekend its family day. Thus, it is basically a four day weekend; Boo-yahhh!

                                                    Don't count the days, make the days count.”
                                                                         ― Muhammad Al

I Hate Math.PERIOD.

                      Today, my math teacher gave me back my test (on deduction theory) from last week and guess what I got? I got 69%! wtf?! I know math isn't my favourite subject but seriously this is a -2 class.  Maybe it was because I finished it pretty fast and didn't take the time to actually read it well. But still, I thought I would get at least a 75. All the boys were like, "Hey, Cristabel, did I beat you? What did u get?" I didn't tell them, I just shook my head. I should have studied, but there's nothing more I hate that studying especially when its for math.

                      My mom says maybe I need a tutor. HELL TO THE NO. Math tutors don't teach me shit. Tutors just want your money -its why they're tutoring in the first place. If you ask me most tutors are a rip off. Why do I say that? Well, math tutors just like to do the question for me without giving me a clear explanation. The faster they do your homework, the faster they'll get their cash.

                      Math was a subject I was always getting frustrated over, ever since I can remember. I guess its easy once you get it. But that's just the thing. It takes me awhile to get. Especially this kind of math. Since they changed the math curriculum its just been all this mumbo jumbo bull-shit. Don't get me wrong; I like money, I'm just not  big fan of numbers. So to speak, I hate math with a passion.

                       Tomorrow I have a quiz on trig. I should go study for that. In addition, I have a gigantic test in bio. All I can say is, I hope someones praying for me to pass.